Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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