I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
