Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
