that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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