i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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