I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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