Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
