there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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