I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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