I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
