it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
