Old men and throwing up are my life now.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
