i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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