I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
