God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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