Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
