You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
