He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
