My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
