That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
why do cheetos always look like penises
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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