I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
