This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
