Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
