remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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