Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
