Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
