Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
