I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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