his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
