Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
