i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
