Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
