You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
