I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My pussy is not your playground.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
