you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
