drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
