Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
