im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I had to cum in my sink.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
