Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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