Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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