We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
