Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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