My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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