Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
