this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
