It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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