Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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