dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
