We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
