wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
