The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
