When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
