We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
