took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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