She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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