Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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