sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
